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Variations from the Porch
The season for it past, the porch
had become a deep threshold
I did not want to give up
or cross despite the cold; I learned
that I could will myself to stop
shivering. The garden bewildered,
the birdbath was a frozen slurry
of rainwater and the leaves
not raked, months since they fell, some still
quick in the breeze. I don’t know
what felt safe about that bleak
reclusion, out where anyone
could have seen me; but I
understand now that when
a bird sleeps under its own wing,
it is the world ceasing to see.
*
Spiders thrived there well past summer,
surviving the shortened days,
some webs tightly made in the perfect
symmetry of sundials
or compass roses, and some
corner-made funnels bored smooth,
the spider hiding behind the slight
quiescent turning, the spill of web
the mute, delicate mouth
of a backward cornucopia.
*
Late September blooming,
a glorious bee-thick senescence;
the cardinal flowers I had ignored
all summer had climbed the porch railing
to fold themselves now into needle-thin
red sleeves of seed, and dark grey moths
thickened the abelia
like a fever, a chill, that kind
of possession. I could hear them
breathing with their wings.
*
Time then came death-exhausted—
hollowed out despite the usual
acts of vibrance. Nothing
original about seeds dissolving
out of the possibility
of dormancy into disappointment:
the rote bloom, known flower,
inevitable fading
anticipated, its scent
a sect, something it was born to.
*
The month my only brother died,
mindless grief met its desire
when the confederate rose climbed high
and deep inside the old crepe myrtle—
tall and broad as a full grown maple.
It should not yet have been blooming,
so when at last I noticed the
something dull pink inside it—
slightly out of place and season
intricately entwined and in full flower,
I thought first how beautiful
it was and, then, how wrong.
*
Honeysuckle had bound the quince
from within, so I worked to find,
then follow a fragrant muscle
as close as possible to the ground
for the cut, then pull, wrestle it out
like an impossible tangle
from neglected hair. I knew
I had not killed anything.
It would come back. But for the while,
the quince breathed, red crowding
the porch and the painted-shut
windows of the mudroom, casting
a roseglow reflection inside
the glass; it bloomed in quiet fury
as though to please me,
or, again, fully taken with itself.