Jeannie Kidera currently teaches creative writing and literature courses at Western Reserve Academy in Hudson, OH. She has an MFA in Creative Writing (Poetry) from Bowling Green State University and is working towards an MA in Literature from John Carroll University. She spent the summer of 2007 in the International Writers Program at the National University of Ireland, Galway, a city to which she returns as often as possible. Her poems and book reviews have appeared in such publications as Whiskey Island Magazine, The Madison Review, New Letters, and Mid-American Review.
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Cleveland Doesn’t Need LeBron to Bring Home the Bacon by Jeannie Kidera
I’ve been living in the Cleveland area for eleven years now – a fact that recently made me realize I should probably stop explaining “I’m originally from New York” when I introduce myself and finally embrace the title of “Clevelander.” And I’m more than okay with this because as much as I love my home state and hometown (Rochester), I’m proud to call Cleveland my home by choice. Most people in America completely underestimate Cleveland and have no idea just how much it has to offer its inhabitants. Forget LeBron. We still have Michael Symon, a man who should matter more to people who love this city than “he-who-should-no-longer-be-named” and not just because Chef Symon continues to bring nothing but positive attention to our town. The man also gives us maple-bacon ice cream. I’ll give you a minute to read that again… BACON ICE CREAM. But I’ll get to that in a minute. Why should Cleveland stop whining about LeBron? Because we still have bacon, and as my friends and I always say, “Bacon makes everything better.” Even the floundering Grey’s Anatomy.
I’d grown tired of this show over the past few years, until this season’s finale that is. Just one scene sold me on the show again…because it involved bacon. A doctor is shot and is “believed” to be on his death bed. What enlightenment does he frantically impart on the other doctor trying to save him? “Eat more bacon!! I don’t care what they say! It’s not worth it! Eat more bacon!” Now this is a show and an idea I can get behind. And there is no better place to follow such sage advice than Cleveland, Ohio.
You’re still thinking about the bacon ice cream aren’t you? Me too…pretty much all of the time. Let me explain. At Lola, his downtown restaurant on East 4th St., Michael Symon serves a dessert called the “6 A.M. Special,” made up of brioche French toast, caramelized apples, and maple-bacon ice cream. It’s all death-row, last meal worthy, but for me, it’s all about the maple-bacon ice cream. Oh, the maple-bacon ice cream! Take the best vanilla bean ice cream you can think of, the kind that with its perfect tiny flecks of deep brown vanilla bean lets your eyes sneak a peak at the pure quality of ingredients about to grace your tastebuds. Now, brace yourself, dancing with those vanilla flecks are bits of salty, rich bacon, divinely balancing the brackish with the sweet. Trust me, if you think peanut butter and chocolate is the combo to beat all other combos, please try this.
If a fearful palate will stop you from going to Lola’s to sample what is one of the best desserts I’ve ever had, try easing your way in at Symon’s B-Spot (Woodmere). B-spot serves a Vanilla Bean Apple Pie Bacon milkshake (with optional shot of bourbon). The apple pie flavor is more powerful than the bacon flavor in this one, so it’s a less scary first step. Though I can’t fathom being frightened of bacon…ever. I promise after a few sips you’ll be cheering “More bacon, sir! The only thing this needs is more bacon!” Then head to Lola, trusting me fully.
The next morning go to Lucky’s in Tremont where I’m convinced Heather Haviland has a team of elves and fairies helping her in the kitchen because everything she serves tastes like magic. Seriously, if magic had a flavor it would be Lucky’s Pecan Bacon (or the homemade Rueben, but that’s for another article). Did you know you can make bacon even better than it already is? Chef Haviland does. I’m not totally sure how she does it, but I know it involves thick bacon that manages to be just crispy enough to still be satisfyingly chewy, brown sugar cooked down to a sticky glaze, and coating of soft chopped pecans. And elves, definitely elves. It’s nutty, it’s sweet, and it’s meaty. It’s impossible to go there and not order it.
While you’re out on the west side, you might as well swing by Cleveland’s own Malley’s Chocolates to pick up a box of chocolate-covered bacon. Again, if you love the happy marriage of peanut butter and chocolate, you need to indulge in the passionate affair between chocolate and bacon. It may be sinful, but you just won’t be able to help yourself. It’s okay. Your conscience will understand. I will warn you though, Malley’s chocolate-covered bacon is a gateway drug that could lead you to Main Street Cupcakes (Rocky River and Hudson), where they have not one but two cupcakes that involve bacon: a French toast cupcake made with bacon and garnished with bacon bits (the “Big Breakfast” cupcake) and a chocolate cupcake made with bacon and topped with a shiny chocolate ganache and more bacon bits (the “Good Morning Bacon” cupcake). It’s all so good that as a Clevelander I’ve begun to empathize strongly with the drooling cartoon dog in the ‘Beggin’ Strips’ commercials. So, Miami, you can have LeBron. Just don’t take our bacon.